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I’ve been getting really lonely lately and I can’t seem to enjoy the things I loved to do in the past few years. I feel like I’m being smothered. I’m suffocating and falling apart.
I’m sitting for SPM this year and with all the homework, tuition classes, music lessons and studies, I don’t seem to have time to rest. My mother lectures me every time she doesn’t see me studying, even when I’m having a break.
I also feel like my school teachers don’t, or even try to, understand the students. They don’t care that we don’t have time. They just lecture us on and on, and give homework as though their class is the only ones we have. They make me want to bang my head against the wall.
I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. My dad scolds me for crying because he says “crying doesn’t solve anything”. It might not but it does help me with the overwhelming emotions.
I want to die. I’m numb and feel empty most of the time. When I’m not, I’m angry and anxious. I’ve been feeling suicidal the past four to five years but recently, it has gotten worse.
I’ve always had anger management issues but never have I ever wanted to kill someone until late last year; on several occasions, I’ve felt that way. I struggle greatly to calm myself down.
The only person whom I feel I can trust doesn’t have his phone with him; his parents confiscated his phone. I have another friend whom I could talk to but I can’t seem to be as open with her.
I know I need help. I’m just terrified at the thought of my parents, and everyone else, finding out.
I’m supposed to be one of the top scorers in my class and school, yet I struggle to find a reason to stay on.
I have become resentful towards adults due to their perception (mainly my dad’s) that teenagers can’t feel stressed out.
When a student mentions that he or she is tired or stressed, most teachers would simply brush it aside, saying, “I’m more stressed out than you. I have to do this, that and the other … .” It’s just so frustrating to hear that because it makes me feel like no one cares, like I’m alone and there’s no way out.
I’ve been getting more mental breakdowns this year. I hurt myself a lot when I was 13 but stopped when I was 14. I relapsed the night before my mid-year exams last year, and again early this year.
I don’t want to live. I want to be listened to. I want someone to care about me. I do write in a diary but it doesn’t give me the relief I need.
I’m also paranoid that my parents will find it and read it despite it being in a drawer. I don’t want them to see my thoughts. They’d be so ashamed of me if they did.
They would scream and yell at me for being “ungrateful” and say I should just focus on my studies.
But I need a life too, right?
Now I just wind up punching walls and throwing things across the room. At night, I would cry and try my level best to hide any evidence of my crying. I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever.
I don’t want to live. I’d rather die than go to school, at this rate. I’m not good enough for anyone. My grades aren’t good enough for my parents. They are not even satisfied with As. They want me to get straight A+s for my exams.
I think I’m going mad. I tried calling the Befrienders helpline several times but I couldn’t get through. I need to know that someone cares and that someone will listen. Please help me.
Oh, my dear! I am absolutely steaming mad as I read this; shame on your parents and teachers!
What you describe is suicidal depression with self-harm. This is extremely serious. I have put the contacts for services below.
Please call them NOW. Tell them exactly what you told me. If you have a family doctor you trust, go and see them IMMEDIATELY.
Also, do try to think of at least one sensible adult in your life who will listen to you and advocate for you.
It is not your fault that you can’t cope. You are a child and it is the responsibility of your parents and teachers to make sure that you are in a healthy environment with appropriate challenges.
Your parents and teachers are doing a lousy job. Unfortunately, this seems to be increasingly normal.
The incidence of child depression, self-harm, eating disorders and suicide is soaring in teens and young adults, precisely because of the relentless bullying you describe in your letter.
Please don’t hurt yourself and don’t despair. This is a dark period of your life, but it will pass.
Now, I’m going to talk about stress, so that you can get some insight, which will hopefully help you a little.
We all have a personal limit to how much stress we can cope with. Interestingly, it changes over time.
So, it may be that at one part of your life you can cope with all kinds of difficulties, and at another time, the slightest issue seems a mountain.
When you have an overload of stress and you’re not able to cope, you feel out of control, scared, and overwhelmed.
That’s when you start seeing reactions.You might get physical symptoms like rashes, an upset stomach, headaches, breathlessness and more.
Emotional reactions include anger, sadness, anxiety, lack of energy, trouble with sleep, trouble with concentration, loss of interest, changes in appetite, tearfulness and more.
Eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia as well as self-harm are not well understood. However, it appears that they are also linked to stress. Self-harm, for example, may be a physical way for people to release mental pain. It’s a scary thing but there’s good news; because it’s a learned behaviour, you can unlearn it.
So, don’t panic, OK? A professional will help you get past this.
I’m simplifying here but basically you need to see a mental health professional who will help you through these steps.
First, you figure out your personal response to stress, for example, anger at mild stress and self-harm in a crisis.
Second, you see what exactly triggers your stress response, for example [...]
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MANCHESTER UNITED have agreed an £80m transfer fee for Harry Maguire from Leicester. Here’s how Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could line up his team for the first match of the new Premier League season with their new man in defence. [...]
IPOH - Paul Yong Choo Kiong (pic), the state executive councillor accused to have raped his Indonesian maid, has maintained his innocence.
He expressed shock and bafflement of the accusation hurled against him.
In a statement issued to the media through his aide, Yong said it was shocking that his former maid made such baseless allegations against him.
The State Housing and Local Government Committee chairman said he unequivocally and categorically denied the unfounded allegations made against him. [...]
DAP adviser Lim Kit Siang speaks to during an interview in Sheraton, Petaling Jaya May 27, 2018. — Picture by Firdaus Latif
KUALA LUMPUR, July 14 — DAP advisor Lim Kit Siang believes there will be a future Malaysian Prime Minister who is not Malay but not during his lifetime.Current Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad is the fourth and seventh prime minister, those before him were Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Abdul Razak, Tun Hussein Onn, Tun Abdullah Haji Ahmad Badawi and Datuk Seri Najib Razak.In an interview with the New Straits Times the 78-year-old former party leader has been involved in politics for more than 50 years all of it felt the time for a non-Malay prime minister will only come about once Malaysians disregard race and consider themselves Malaysians.“It will come about when Malaysians don’t think of themselves as Malays, Chinese and Indians. But I don’t see it happening in my lifetime,” said Lim.“And my lifetime won’t be very long anyway but to be realistic, I don’t see it like (Barack) Obama becoming the United States president.“That is the ideal situation, after all the Federal Constitution says anybody can become prime minister. But to expect this to be realised overnight, I don’t think that is realistic,” Lim told NST.Lim also commented on the lowering of the voting age from 21 to 18 and asking all MP’s to declare their assets, a move that has been met with heavy resistance from the opposition.Lim said fear of rebellion from youth prevented the previous government from amending the Constitution for 60 years but Pakatan Harapan want to empower the youth.“I would like to see a growth of a healthy democratic culture that’s why we are lowering the voting age from 21 to 18.“What is good for the country may not be good for PH (Pakatan Harapan) unless it can rise to the challenge and is able to make young people aware of the idealism and take ownership of the new Malaysia.“But first of all, PH should be allowed enough time to implement its mission and ideals of New Malaysia which will take maybe two or three more election cycles,” added the MP for Iskandar Putri. [...]
PUTRAJAYA (Bernama): About 2,000 self-service laundrettes in peninsular Malaysia and Sabah do not have approvals as well as individual gas licences issued by the Energy Commission, and are therefore at risk of explosions. [...]
LONDON/ANKARA (July 12): By taking delivery of Russian air-defense systems, Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has crossed a second political Rubicon in as many weeks... [...]
Bomba personnel heaving the dolphin back to sea.
KUCHING: A 1.3-metre long dolphin was found stranded on the beach at Kampung Trombol, Telaga Ai around 1.30pm today.
It took three personnel from the Petra Jaya Fire and Rescue Department to heave the dolphin back into deeper waters to be freed.
It is believed that the dolphin is from the Indo-Pacific bottlenose dolphin species, which lives in the waters around India, northern Australia, South China, the Red Sea, and the eastern coast of Africa.
The operation ended at 3.10pm.
The post Bomba saves dolphin stranded on beach at Kampung Trombol, Telaga Air appeared first on Borneo Post Online. [...]
The division’s annual general meeting was officiated by Umno vice president Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri. — Picture by Miera Zulyana
KUALA LUMPUR, July 14 — A journalists’ group today condemned Lembah Pantai Umno for evicting non-Malay reporters from covering the division’s annual general meeting today.Gerakan Media Merdeka (Geramm) in a statement said it had received complaints that non-Malay reporters, were told to leave the venue.“The orders were given on the basis that the event was a ‘Malay conference’ and that only Malays were allowed to cover the launch of the event, officiated by Umno vice president Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri.“Non-Malay reporters and photographers were asked to leave the event right before it began around 2pm at the Persatuan Alumni Universiti Malaya (PAUM) in Petaling Jaya,” Geramm said in a statement today.The group said that the move not only obstructed freedom of the press but was also a form of racial discrimination.“We oppose any form of restriction against the media, unless on a reasonable basis, such as concerning security.“All media has equal rights to gain access to news sources regardless of their background,” the group said.Geramm urged all parties to respect media freedom and for its members to continue showing solidarity towards the formation of the Malaysia Media Council. [...]
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At PLUS Expressways Bhd’s headquarters at the Subang interchange, the company’s traffic-monitoring centre staff keep a round-the-clock watch on the traffic condition on its highways. [...]
The unique experience of dining under a canopy of api-api trees has been drawing many visitors to an eatery by the beach in Kuala Tebengau, Kuala Kedah. — Bernama pic
ALOR STAR, July 14 — The unique experience of dining under a canopy of api-api trees has been drawing many visitors to an eatery by the beach in Kuala Tebengau, Kuala Kedah, near here.Surrounded by these Avicennia trees, a type of mangrove, the eatery named D’Perapi Tebengau, operated by a young man since a year ago has helped enliven the once sleepy place.Its operator, Usaid Amiruddin, 27, said the peaceful and relaxing atmosphere amid the api-api trees was the main factor for him to set up his food business there, besides the beautiful beach scenery and soothing sea breeze.“This is the main attraction here. Besides enjoying the sea breeze, customers get to savour dishes using fresh prawns, squid and crabs in cool air and calming atmosphere under the api-api trees, especially in the evening.“Then they can watch the spectacular sunset as the night draws in. This could be a rare, precious moment for some visitors,” he said when met by Bernama today.The eatery’s menu includes mi kuah udang selambak, mi udang, mi sotong, nasi paprik ketam, nasi paprik udang, mi kari ketam and a selection of drinks.On his early experience of running his business there, Usaid said it was not easy as he had to solve the problem of muddy location which also faced erosion from waves.He said he had to spend thousands of ringgit resurfacing the place and building an embankment to prevent erosion, especially during high tide.“I also had to spruce up the place without indiscriminately cutting the api-api trees so as to preserve the ecosystem and atmosphere,” he said.However, he added that it was worth the trouble as his eatery had been receiving many visitors, especially after it was viralled on social media.“Alhamdulillah, daily sales has been growing, the menu expanded for more variety while the number of workers has increased,” he said and expressed hope that his eatery could be a tourist product one day.Meanwhile, customer Rizlan Hashim, 57, said the attractive atmosphere offered by D’Perapi Tebengau was why he and his family were willing to patronise it although they were staying in Sungai Petani.“The surrounding is interesting, for you not only get to see the beautiful sunset, but also hear the sound of waves and chirping of birds, as well as watch the village children collect sea snails and clams at the beach,” he said.D’Perapi Tebengau operates daily from 3pm to 10pm except on Monday and Tuesday. — Bernama [...]